March 30, 2010

Epiphany of the week

Posted in Uncategorized at 4:00 pm by Tara

It’s not about what we do or what we say.  Just be thankful for His mercy and grace.

Jesus, “thank you” does not do justice for the gratitude I have for your grace.  And so all I can do here and now is tell you how much I  love you and adore you.  Thank you that you think of us before we even think of ourselves.  Thank you that when we forget, you still remember.  Help me to live a Godly life so that I can represent all that you are, all-loving, all-generous and all-gracious.

March 25, 2010

confession

Posted in Prayers, Stories at 8:52 am by Tara

Lord, I pray you forgive me for my judgments and help me to see what you can see in others!

Tonight I took a taxi home, when I usually take the train.  It was late and Sarah-Anne was falling asleep so I opted for the door to door service.

Unfortunately the taxidriver seemingly has an inability to control certain motor skills such as language and continuously uttered all his thoughts and was flipping his hands around.  He yelled out his irritation at other drivers and turned to glare at a man that couldnt change out of the lane within 2 seconds.  One of the many times that he honked was at a man at a fair distance (nowhere near being hit by us), removing a pylon from the road.

The whole time, I prayed for God to protect us and thought about what a maniac this man was, and feared for my life and Sarah-Anne’s all the way. 

Then, he spoke to me in the gentlest of manners.  He asked nicely where to drop me off and gave me time to carry S-A out of the car.  He made sure to minimize the effort it would take me to carry S-A home.

Then my thoughts returned to a child I once knew who also had an impulse disorder, and how he was so sadly stigmatized, when he was absolutely safe to be around.  His only problem was that he lacked the ability to hold back his thoughts.  But how often do we yell at people on the road in thought?  We just have the ability to control it.  As for the flailing hands… well, I realized that because I was being judgmental of the utterings, I concluded that his shaking out of his tired wrists was also some sort of psychopathic action.

Sigh.  Lord, you have opened my eyes once again, to how judgmental I can be when I am here trying to spread the word on how judgmental we are of the marginalized.  Thank you Lord, for reminding me of how “different” doesn’t mean “dangerous” or “bad” or “wrong”, it just means different.  What if we lived in a culture where it was ok to just say what we thought?

Mold me, God and take away my judgments.  Have mercy and grace upon my inequities and teach me to have mercy and grace upon others also!

March 24, 2010

how to keep prayerful

Posted in Discernment, God's Presence, Stories at 10:22 pm by Tara

how do i keep prayerful in the midst of hustling and bustling in this crazy city of 7 million people?

one thing that i have found myself continually being drawn to… as i soak in the consumerism and filling of “stuff” in homes… i find myself randomly praying for the Spirit to come upon this city.

and at the same time i find myself aking the Lord to take away my judgmental attitude!

and i am in awe as i look around this city that once drew so many missionaries, the beautiful building built by Europeans who came to spread the Word…

only to pray again for the Spirit to come upon this city.

and then i am reminded of my own city thousands of miles away, and my comunity there, and that we truly remember why Easter is…

and the words ringing in my head are mercy and grace.

March 17, 2010

A Humbling Moment

Posted in Stories at 8:48 pm by Tara

Yesterday, Hung and I got a rare opportunity to go for a long stroll sans enfants.  As we walked the “residential” neighbourhood of his parents, we passed a real estate office and he commented on the prices and how affordable it actually would be for us to live here if we chose to.  As he worked out the benefits and cost effectiveness of living in Hong Kong (and his stats rang true to many extents), I imagined what it would be like to move here without my family and friends.  I imagined how hard it would be to be away from the people I know and love and live life together with.  I thought about how I have to pray his way back to Vancouver.

And in that moment, I realized how much I have taken for granted in this marriage.  What I dreaded and feared as he dreamt of moving here, that is what Hung lives out.  Each time I am out late, Hung has no social network to connect with.  In those weeks (which are often) that I am out for more than 4 evenings, he comes home after a long day to the TV.  No wonder he loves his computers so much.  When he is burdened or weary he has only me (so if I am the one who is wearing him out, then what :) ?!?)

Lord, I thank you for revealing to me the depth of Hung’s heart.  I know that he is only dreaming right now.  I know that his logic and reasoning tells him that life is much more suitable for us as a family in Canada, but I also know how much he longs to be here in Hong Kong.

I pray that Hung develops a deep connection to our Lord.  I pray that by the power of God’s sovereignty, Hung can feel connected and comfortable in our home in Canada, just as much as he feels it here.  I know that only the strength of God is enough to overcome the attachment to our worldly lives.

But MOST OF ALL, I pray that God changes my heart.  Give me a selfless heart, Lord, that is willing to go whichever way You lead me – whether or not that is within the comfort of my known surroundings.  Regardless of where that may be, even if I know Hung will ultimately choose Vancouver, release my heart of selfish desire to change Hung’s attitude.  Instead, change me, and open MY heart, so I can show your love.

If I had a wish for this birthday, it would be that I could be a person who loves and gives unconditionally and selflessly.

March 11, 2010

Favourite prayer resources

Posted in Prayers at 2:27 pm by Tara

I am heading off to Asia on Sunday for 6 weeks.  Maybe while I am away, I will have more time to myself so instead of one essay every 3-6 weeks, I can enter short entries every few days, hahah!

As I head off, I was thinking about the prayer resources I will bring with me.  One of my all time favourites is the Power of Praying series by Stormie O’Martian.  When I first went through the series, it really set me on track for paying for my husband and kids.  I had made an effort to include Sarah-Anne and my niece & nephew in the daily readings and prayers but now that there are 8 of them altogether, along with a whole bunch of kids that I want to be in prayer for within my community, it will be an interesting journey, learning how to pray for them individually and using God’s voice & heart instead of mine.

Miena inspired me the other day with a comment.  Instead of going through the book for both boys daily and in order, she prayed specifically each day for each boy and spent time asking God for what the boy needed prayer for, and randomly chose a chapter as a supplement. 

I think I will probably also bring my favourite book on listening prayer by Brad Jersak and maybe even “Face to Face” from Kenneth Boa.  Any other suggestions from you guys?

Considering I have about 10 books to read to catch up on for my history course, I have decided against bringing “Redeeming Love” the fictitious novel based on the book of Hosea.  Boy, was that a good read.

I am sad to be away from my church family for Easter.  This will be the first Easter away since I gave my life over.  It may or may not seem trivial to others, but the first service I ever went to was just before the Passion of the Christ was released, and that was the beginning of my journey.  Almost 2 years later, I gave my life over and shared my testimony on a Good Friday service.  I know that Easter is a time of  joy for our salvation for EVERY Christian, but for me, the meaning of victory over death, over my crowns and over my flesh is so powerful and I love the journey every spring, sharing my reflections with my community and praying over the 36 hours with my family.

I have a glimmer of hope that in China & Hong Kong, we will find a church community that Hung might be drawn to and with no language barriers, where he might hear the Spirit with clarity.  In heart, I will be praying with Southside and maybe this Easter, God will do the same for Hung that He did for me 6 years ago.

(I am laughing out loud right now because I just check the word count and this could pass for a basic 100-level paper… sigh!)

February 12, 2010

Weird ways of God

Posted in Morning Prayers, Stories at 11:37 am by Tara

On Wednesday, I missed a gathering that I felt I really should have been at because there of a talk on preparing our hearts for lent.  I will be away for Easter and a good portion of lent, and I really want to go into this lenten season with a soft heart.

I missed it in part because I have terrible planning and in part because when hubby came home, it seemed to be one of those days that if I went out, the result would be resentment.  All the while, I asked God if this was a cop out for me, if I should drag my butt out anyways, if this is one of those times that the more you dont feel like going to a gathering, the more you need to go.

So.  Surprised that I chose to stay home, hubby decided to talk to me about a Chinese Christian program that he hears on the radio, and particularly that day, there was an excellent talk on marriage that he felt really pertained to us.  It was so good that he found it on the internet and we played this program for a couple of hours, episode after episode.

As if that wasnt great enough, my niece came out to ask what we were listening to (because she heard the music).  Hearing it was Christian programming, she rummaged through the pantry and went back to her room with a nonchalant “oh” and a shrug.

A few minutes later, she brought her books out and sat on the couch with us.  Huh?!? (as a prelude, I have been working through starting the “sex talk” with her, and she is almost 18… how and what do you say to someone who already has many preconceptions that society has given her??  Plus, I am leaving her home alone for 6 weeks next month… with routine check-ins by friends and family of course). 

So she sits down and we listen to the program about a 21 year old girl dumped by her boyfriend, tries to kill herself, ends up in the hospital only to find herself pregnant.  She prepared for abortion as her parents threatened to disown her if she didnt, and right before the operation, God speaks into her and she keeps the baby.  After describing how wonderfully it worked out, even with adversity, the narrator talks about (targeting parents) how important it is to talk to young women about premarital sex.  She named a huuuuuge list of harmful issues such as increased suicide rates, depression, inefficiency of condoms, and she must have named at least 5 specific STD’s and their effect. 

Then my niece asks me “who is this?” in a way that meant she recognized the voice.  “i dont know,” I say.  “oh. we dont know her?”  “nope.” and in my heart, I say, “i think it’s God’s voice speaking to you.”

And what about my heart?  Well this morning, God has given me many convictions on how to love him more nearly in a season of remembering what He did for me.  He also gave me a few burdens of prayer and I feel like I know where He wants me to go with my heart this year.  I had a meaningful and deep time that I did not ask for, but one that He gifted me with.

God is good.

January 29, 2010

My observation on skipping prayer

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:47 am by Tara

today was a mess.  my house is a disaster (normally, it’s messy as it is.  today, it’s truly a disaster).  i have 2 readings that i was supposed to do 2 days ago. 

i get myself 1.5 hours of peace & quiet to read but i am so distracted by the mess.  by the other things i need to be doing.  i forgot to scan and email something.  i have to get groceries.  etc etc etc

oh wait. i know what keeps nagging me.  i need to pray.  i havent prayed this morning.  but i am running out of time.  i only have 45 min left and i only got through 5 pages.  15 minutes pass.  i only read 2 more pages.

ok, God.  i get it.  put the book down.  God, only you can still my heart.  only you can give me peace.  here i am.

so i spend some time minutes chatting with God.  oh wow.  He actually had people that He wants me to pray for!?  whew… feeling better already.  i didnt get done all the things that i THOUGHT i needed to get done, but what i accomplished in the 20 minutes with God felt like it was worth more than a day’s work.

January 27, 2010

Morning Prayer and an Evening Run

Posted in Morning Prayers, Stories at 9:46 am by Craig

Monday 7:00am at home.

Me: Lord I offer you each moment, each appointment and each minute this day that you would show me what you’re up to and how I can be a part of it.

Lord: *seemingly silent.


Monday 10:00am at the Strong Start Center.

Dave: I’m looking for a running partner.

Me: Hey I’ve been grumbling for a long time about getting active. I’d be into going running with you. When do you go?

Dave: Tonight.

Me: Crud!

Lord: *seemingly not so silent.

Dave: What’s wrong?

Me: Well, I’m free tonight…

Dave: Be at your house at 8:00pm.

Me: Yep.

Lord: *a holy chuckle.


Monday 11:00pm at home.

Me: *sore but grateful.

January 22, 2010

Community

Posted in Discernment at 11:23 am by Tara

I have been known to “shut down” when things get overwhelming for me.  It is still something that I need to work on but one thiing that God has spoken to me is that this is what He gave community for.

I am about to move forward on a huge shift in my life and in doing so I will need my church community to discern with me in my decision making process, and to pray for God’s hand in all the details.  I thought that this would be a great place to journal the witness to how God can move mountains for his people, especially when they come together in His name.

10 years ago, my husband and I made a decision to save his baby niece from being sent to an orphage in China, knowing that if we did not do so, she would likely end up being sold into childhood prostitution.  The original decision was for us to adopt her ourselves but the massive amount of red tape involved with the politics of China has prevented us to do so.

We probably could have officially adopted her by now if we put our hearts to it, but circumstances have delayed the process time and again (and in my eyes, this was God’s work in knowing that the timing wasn’t right).  In some ways, I am grateful because I have matured so much in 10 years – I make a much better (though far from perfect)  mother today than I would have at age 22, but at the same time, 10 years later, this child has been through a series of abondonment, lies and confusion.

As a family, we have been sensing that now is the time.  Although I admit that we strongly feel that it is the right thing to do, we are bringing this to community not only for prayer but also for discernment in the wisdom of our decisions.  With two very young children of our own, bringing an emotionally damaged preteen into the home has serious indications on our ways of parenting.  But the alternative is to let her grow up without parents or gaurdians, sent from boarding school to boarding school for the next 10 years until adulthood and being ostracized by her local family.

The beautiful part of it all is that I asked my husband today officially if it is ok for me to bring this to my church community.  Although he still questions how God works, he has agreed and  I am so excited to see how God will reveal himself in the midst of it all.  If there are contradictions or objections, how will my husband react?  If everything goes smoothly, will he see it as an act of God?  Boy, I feel like I am about to watch a movie!!

Thanks, Jesus for the peace that you give me.

January 11, 2010

Land to be Taken Over

Posted in Uncategorized at 9:33 pm by Marion

“When Joshua was old and well advanced in years, the Lord said to him, “You are very old and there are still very large areas of land to be taken over.  This is the land that remains…” Joshua 13:1-2a

I’ve been reading and praying through Joshua these days.  Today as I read I came upon these verses speaking of land to be taken over, and I connected with this thought.  Our youngest daughter is lovely and sweet, but she is extremely strong willed.  We’ve been listening to shouting, resistance and the folding of the hands in defiance for quite a time now.  Recently the Lord drew our attention to this attitude of rebellion.  We had let it slide for too long.  We began praying for her and setting clear boundaries as to what behaviour is acceptable to both us and God.  It has been a lot of hard work as we role play with her, showing her the correct way to respond when she is agitated.  By pressing on and setting clear boundaries, we are seeing good results.  We are taking over land that we left unattended for too long.  I’m so thankful that peace is being restored to both our daughter and our home.

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